he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.