Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants