I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.