Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes