Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (117799) Bad night (3541)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?

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  (662): New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests? http://tfl.nu/8lkf
  Replies (15) Good night (2548) Bad night (897)
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  (650): View more from California

  how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

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  (650): how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths? http://tfl.nu/djnw
  Replies (15) Good night (5900) Bad night (791)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

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  (614): If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold. http://tfl.nu/55cb
  Replies (14) Good night (5858) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

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  (757): You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis" http://tfl.nu/xzec
  Replies (27) Good night (8328) Bad night (1606)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops

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  (682): There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops http://tfl.nu/zics
  Replies (5) Good night (1240) Bad night (2523)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

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  (901): Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed http://tfl.nu/avah
  Replies (9) Good night (1530) Bad night (4352)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.

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  (519): ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry. http://tfl.nu/wsym
  Replies (11) Good night (6708) Bad night (862)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7824) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.

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  (720): I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time. http://tfl.nu/bucm
  Replies (5) Good night (3393) Bad night (1180)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

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  (912): Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here. http://tfl.nu/xdo1
  Replies (9) Good night (2278) Bad night (956)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Listen to me plotting my whoredom.

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  (316): Listen to me plotting my whoredom. http://tfl.nu/l2mq
  Replies (3) Good night (1459) Bad night (447)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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  (217): The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car.. http://tfl.nu/pl9j
  Replies (7) Good night (610) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

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  (303): It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple. http://tfl.nu/6uwz
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What did he say?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!

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  (215): What did he say? (267): NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS! http://tfl.nu/60l0
  Replies (6) Good night (814) Bad night (256)

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