Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

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  (614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right? http://tfl.nu/3ekq
  Replies (19) Good night (820) Bad night (1859)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.

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  (954): So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had. http://tfl.nu/ag2c
  Replies (98) Good night (2332) Bad night (23135)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners

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  (678): Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners http://tfl.nu/cs50
  Replies (32) Good night (4358) Bad night (633)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

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  (828): That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library http://tfl.nu/vcd5
  Replies (5) Good night (4042) Bad night (1069)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

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  (937): It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs. http://tfl.nu/4p26
  Replies (24) Good night (1345) Bad night (7042)
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  (310): View more from California

  how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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  (310): how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year. http://tfl.nu/ig11
  Replies (26) Good night (1150) Bad night (3308)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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  (218): Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple. http://tfl.nu/aihu
  Replies (4) Good night (2343) Bad night (734)
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  (310): View more from California

  He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.

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  (310): He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/0w0d
  Replies (12) Good night (1629) Bad night (663)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?

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  (319): Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls? http://tfl.nu/s1mn
  Replies (14) Good night (1309) Bad night (645)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check

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  (315): Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check http://tfl.nu/umxm
  Replies (7) Good night (963) Bad night (503)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?

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  (503): Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I? http://tfl.nu/fev7
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (913)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.

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  (941): When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel. http://tfl.nu/2hjl
  Replies (3) Good night (640) Bad night (471)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.

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  (570): I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night. http://tfl.nu/0a56
  Replies (8) Good night (1622) Bad night (385)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club

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  (727): I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club http://tfl.nu/x5dg
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (311)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds

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  (714): It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds http://tfl.nu/cu96
  Replies (5) Good night (247) Bad night (367)

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