Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
