Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.