matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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