I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
be right there i have to get my cape
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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