I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
