Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
