I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
