Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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