I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
