Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
