My balls are so social today.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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