the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize