Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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