I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
