saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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