I'd wear matching sweaters with you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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