my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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