it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
