You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
