I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
