Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
