I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
