she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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