Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
