Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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