I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
