you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
