I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
