the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
