Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
