Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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