Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
