here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
