There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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