Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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