I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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