3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
