Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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