i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
