I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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