he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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