dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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