Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
