He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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