A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
