Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Houston, we have a blender
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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