I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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