another moral hangover. fuck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
