my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
