did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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