Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
