Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
