so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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