Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
