I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
