I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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