I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
