i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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