I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
