We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
