I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
