I puked a lego.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
