your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
