i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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