If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
