Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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