Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
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My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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