why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
