What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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