He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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