3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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