i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
