This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
