I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
