Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
