What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
