Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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