there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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