I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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