I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
