Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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